I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
