You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize