Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just pynch a tree in the face
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
