After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
