we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
