i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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