I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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