You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
