wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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