Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
