if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
