im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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