You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
