I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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