Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
