my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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