Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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