Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
