I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
my shit smells like andre
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Randomize
