Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
