well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Randomize
