She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
