i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
