3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Dual....:-)
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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