OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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