so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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