Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
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"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
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we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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