Screwed.edu
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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