so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
