What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize