Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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