so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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