Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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