I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
