You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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