this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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