I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
His hands were made for my vagina.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
