I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
