hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
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