Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
