strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
