I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
