You smell like stripper and shame
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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