Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
