It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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