Swine flu. Run for my life!
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
