Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Mom said you looked used
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
