the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
We smell like vodka and hangover
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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