i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Everything about him screamed your future.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
