GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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