Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
