You're so nebulous sometimes
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
