I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
