I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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