i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize