does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
