Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
