he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
