I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
People with herpes should wear stickers.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
