Can i not drive my cunt home
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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