I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
