I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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