Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
