I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
