I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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