Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize
